NEXUS Martial Arts

Bully Defense Begins With a Strong Foundation!

Your child is forced to deal with various attacks on his self-esteem on a regular basis. Whether or not these attacks affect him or her long term has to do with many different factors.

One type of attack that we want to address in this report is that of the common “Bully.” Bullying has always been a part of growing up, but how a child deals with it (and the repercussions of dealing with it) have changed dramatically. In many schools today there are “Zero Tolerance” rules that punish both children if there is an altercation, even if the altercation was caused by one child bullying the other. So the old “If they hit you, hit ‘em back!” approach doesn’t fly today. So what is your child to do?

First off all, we must recognize that incidences of bullying vary in severity. One thing that is certain is that repeated attacks, whether verbal, physical, or written (yes, written… there have been reports of children being bullied through email!) can erode a young child’s fragile self-esteem. In fact, the CDC has linked bullying to isolation, drug use, violence, and even suicide! But your child does not have to be a victim.

An assault can be verbal or physical, but either way the first line of defense remains the same: Self-Confidence!

Here’s why. Bullies choose their victims much like criminals often choose their victims – they go for the easy and obvious target. So if your child looks like a kid who will get bullied, chances are much greater that they will get bullied. On the other hand, if your child radiates self-confidence, he or she is much less likely to be a victim!

Your child needs to walk with his head up, shoulders square, and make eye contact with people. Just by doing so, even if your child needs work on his self-esteem, will usually keep bullies away. Adopting this demeanor is easier said than done, but it can be learned. So, just having kids adapt their body language (what they are saying non-verbally) will have a huge impact. Teaching this can serve as a quick fix, however, going to work on their self-confidence will have a greater long-term effect on keeping bullies away.

Children get their first layer of self-confidence from parents. The love you show your child and the time you spend with her gives her feelings of self-worth. One might even say that the number one role of parenting is to develop a self-confident individual.

Teach them how to speak up clearly when they first meet someone. Teach them the importance of making eye contact when they talk to you. Get them out of their comfort zone and have them explore new things. The more you have them confront fear and discomfort (with positive reinforcement, of course) the more confident they will become. I get feedback from parents all the time about how great our martial arts program is for developing self-confidence.

Parents tell me how we reinforce many of the values they are teaching at home and provide an environment in which they can break out of their shells. What we are teaching has more of an impact because it’s coming from another source. Many parents also compliment our program for teaching their kids about other values that add to their self-confidence. Kids learn by doing, and when they begin to accomplish goals that they didn’t believe they could their self-confidence gets a boost; this in turn affects every area of life, making them less of a target for bullies.

The next layer of defense is to create a boundary. I teach children how to protect their space with an assertive body posture. Feet apart a little, one foot in front, shoulders square, chin up, eye contact, and most importantly, hands up as if making a Stop Gesture! We call this our guard stance. Its purpose is to communicate awareness and assertiveness. This stance is designed to get them out of trouble.

Next, children must learn to use their words. Simple phrases and commands said in an assertive voice will tell the bully that they will not be a victim. Simple commands like: “Stop,” “Back Off,” “Back Away!”, when said in the right tone will often stop a bully in his tracks! This is useful because the days of schoolyard fighting are over.

Finally, children must know how (and who) to ask for help, and if necessary, use their legs and get out of a potentially bad situation. It is valuable for your child to know how to defend him- or herself if the situation arises, but just the feeling of being competent in self-defense is key obstacle when dealing with a potential bully.

As you can see, dealing with a bully has its challenges, and there is no one way that works every time. However, when your child develops high levels of self-esteem and confidence, and backs those qualities up with a solid strategy, most bullys’ words and actions will just roll off her shoulders with little harm done. We would love to help your child develop greater levels of self-confidence and ability. Give us a call at 508-295-5427 and we will show you why our martial arts program is one of the best things you can do for your child.

Thanks for Reading!

Sincerely,

Stephen Whittier
Nexus Martial Arts Chief Instructor